JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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