Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
i drank out of a bidet.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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