at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
