I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
it was not a walk of shame, it was a ferry ride of shame, and i'm not ashamed, so technically it was just an early morning ferry ride. wearing yesterday's clothing
and semen
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
