we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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