If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
