Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
