It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize
