maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Randomize
