can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
