My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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