just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
