I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
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