is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Verdict: uncircumcised.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
