I didn't shave. On purpose
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
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