just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
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