What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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