made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize
