No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I blew past the Governor's motorcade going twice the speed limit and DIDN'T get a ticket. God wants me to get laid.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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