Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
