Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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