this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
