I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
She just sucked the buffalo sauce out of my beard. I've never been so disgusted and hard in my life.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Randomize
