Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
