Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
