I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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