You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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