Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
I just got offered free tattoos if I smuggle some guns from OKC to Dallas for a guy in the hells angels
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
