Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
