I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
