I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Randomize
