You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
you inspire me to be a worse person
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
Randomize
