what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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