All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
