batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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