My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
