I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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