my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
