Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
Randomize
