i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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