i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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