I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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