I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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