Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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