White coat. Heels.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
Randomize
