so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
