apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
