im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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