I think I died a long time ago.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
