just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
