You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
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