A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
i think i just lost a toe
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
