My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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