I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
