____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
