I could have mohawked her pubes.
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
