Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
