I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
