Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
