WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
Randomize
