So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize