Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I am a woman. I need to be selective about the porn I stream on my phone. Who knows if my cell will ever get lost, who will see it and what they'd think otherwise. Keepin' it classy tampa.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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