I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Randomize
