Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Randomize
